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A decade old itch

What do you desire? What makes you itch? What sort of situation would you like? – Alan Watts

What should you do with an itch that’s been bugging you for over a decade? Persisting that long, do you just accept it as a nuisance that will bother you for life, hoping it eventually fades away? Or, do you finally give in – and do something about it? My vote was cast for the later.

First, I had to figure out why does it keep on itching? If I have been ignoring it this long, shouldn’t it just vanish, as annoying issues always do? Seems this time that’s not the case.

Today, I accidentally stumbled upon one of dozen iterations of my portfolio website. It was a short-lived iteration, built in 2004. On the very homepage I announced my intention to start blogging and sharing the knowledge with my audience – in a matter of days.

That simple bit struck me. 10 years flashed in front of me; I saw what could have been done and how many times I had the urge to scratch that itch. But as we always justify ourselves, I had something better to do, something more important on my agenda – or at least what seemed to be that. So, my writing, teaching and sharing career was postponed again, put on indefinite hiatus, number of times, while I kept on pursuing other things that would take my mind off the itch. The one that was neglected, but would never fade away.

It is incredibly amazing how often we’ll do almost anything to meet requirements and requests of others. But when it comes to us, our needs, wishes and dreams, we are so damn good in saying no. We entertain our minds with temporary refuges and distractions, hoping the itch eventually fades away.

If only – resonated in my mind, while I contemplated about everything I could have shared with the world, people I could have met, difference I could have made. If only I scratched my itch; but for some reasons, I did not. 120 months have passed, the right moment never arrived.

And now, here I am, 10 years older. Some would even dare to say wiser. Life has changed, priorities have shifted, our marriage entered its 11th year, two gorgeous kids are living with us full-time. One thing remains the same – the itch is still here, just tenfold stronger than it was before. Yet, I’m afraid to touch it, fearing I could uncover the wound too deep.

My online refuge, this space where I am posting this instead of introduction, has been set up and ready for over a month. But I kept postponing the launch, even I have no visitors, no readers, no one knows about it – but me. Not taking the step when the itch started, I grew to live so comfortably with it, fearing what the others will say about my act of finally scratching it. Am I too late? Everyone is already writing, creating, posting and sharing. Why do it now, add more clutter to the online world?

I always postpone for tomorrow. But one day tomorrow won’t come. For that reason, I am finally doing it, starting now. Hopefully this is the first of thousands of posts on my itching topics: design, photography, travelling, writing, lifestyle changes and family life – not in that particular order.

I want to share what I know, what I am learning and what I have learned and discovered in the meantime, on the topics above, with everyone who finds it useful.

Deep inside, I know I am capable of doing it – everything I need is constantly within me, my words and my creations. Tools I require are virtually omnipresent these days – a device with internet access is all I really need. If I manage to positively influence or help change or motivate at least one person, my mission is accomplished.

As of today, I will scratch my itch. Will you scratch yours?

Luka Pensa
20 February 2014